so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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