I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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