So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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