I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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