If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
whose parrot is this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
