My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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