Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is the high leading the old right now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
