I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
