Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
