worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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