shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We had sex on a dog bed..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...