i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.