Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD