I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why are you drunk at the library?