Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
