Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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