My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
