mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
