I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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