Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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