She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
