everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
