Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
