we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
