i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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