We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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