On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
