you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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