True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
