C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just puked most of my soul out..
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