Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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