My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
