You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
