so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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