Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
