We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
