Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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