make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
