??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
