So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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