I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
