I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
