Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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