you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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