Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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