i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
