i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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