Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
