I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
