I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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