He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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