well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
