You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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