she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dear god my vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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