the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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