i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
