he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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