Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
