In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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