just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
