bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
