happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
