I bet he comes in French.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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