3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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