why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think i have herpe
just one?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
