I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
