and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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