Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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