tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
PANTIES FOUND
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
