Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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