Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I believe in your delicious
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
