all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
